Poem to Rocky

Know What You're in For....Predator Control

Predator Control!   If you have goat companions, you must consider what you plan to do for predator control.  It is one of the most important components for living with goat friends.  Once you meet goats and sit with them, play with them, cuddle, nuzzle, brush, sing to, socialize with...you can never go back.  They get under your skin, into your heart and begin to possess your mind so that you think about them a lot.  And think about their SAFETY!!!

Everyone will have their own opinion and experience, so do research from a vast array of sources.  Ultimately that answer will lie with knowing your goats and yourself.   Sometimes we have to learn the hard way, but we can prevent a lot of suffering by asking others about their experience before we make any choices. 

For me, I prefer having my goats in a large area with rocks to jump on, playgrounds to play on, good shelter all enclosed by predator fencing that is high with barbed wire on top and about four feet of thick chicken wire underground.   That can be very expensive and a lot of work, but very worth it when you love your goats.  A good fencing company will know what predator fencing is but not all fencing companies are familiar with this term.   It is important to find out about zoning laws before you pick your fence height.  Each city has ordinances about how high a fence can be and how much it costs to go over those laws.  If you choose a higher fence, some areas require a contracted plan with a fee.  It has to be safe, secure and created by someone who is a licensed contractor in order for most cities to approve if higher than normal.

Don't cut corners here.  If you want a higher fence, get the proper permits and have someone experienced put up the predator fencing so that it will actually keep out predators.  Saving money can end up costing you more money in the long run.  I know someone who used three feet of chicken wire underground.  It did not do the job.  A dog dug under and killed her loved ones.   My vet recommended four feet of thick, durable chicken wire.   

Some people use llamas, donkeys and/or certain breed of dogs to protect their herd.   If you use dogs, make sure to research which breed will actually be working to protect goats and will not turn on them or injure them in play.   My goats detest dogs.  My late beloved goat had a mom killed by dogs, so dogs were never an option for me.  Llamas are sometimes used for predator control.  They are territorial and spit putrid smelling liquid to repel any living being.  However, then you have to commit to caring for another animal and learning about them, their habits, their preferences, etc.  I have had the experience of being with a llama that was nasty (more on that later!).

Donkeys that are front stompers can also be predator control.  I heard about an experience from a friend that had a donkey that was a back kicker. She did not protect the goats from dogs that got over the fence.  They put in a donkey that was a front stomper instead, but so far have not had any dogs come around.  However, this donkey can be a bully with the goats, eat all of the goat's treats and get jealous of the attention given to the goats.  The donkey sometimes gets violent and runs around chasing the goats aggressively when treats are given.   The llama, also used as predator control in same area, is nasty and threatens to spit every time any human gets too close.  She can also be aggressive when it comes to feeding treats. 

I regard the giving of fruits and vegetables to goats not just as treats, but as extra vitamins and minerals that keep goats healthy and happy.   We had a fun routine which included going to different areas, playing various games, getting exercise and increasing their sense of well being that involved the giving of cut pieces of fruits and vegetables.   My goats even knew the amount of the pieces they would get depending on what we did.  Some fun things got four pieces, some got three, some got two.  I would count out the amount and they never asked for more because they knew how much they would get and moved onto the next play.   Goats are smarter than you could ever imagine and they have an incredible sense of memory. 

If the cost of fencing is too much, fence parts at a time and then expand gradually.  Remember, whether you are in an urban or rural area, predators exist.  Even neighborhood dogs are a threat.  I knew someone who lost her beloved goat when someone let their pet dogs roam free.  Do extensive research when it comes to predator control before you consider living with goats.   Make sure you also have a secure barn at night to put goats in if living in a rural area.  Or.....goats come in at night and share a common room with you...after all, they are family.   

Dealing with the Loss of an Animal Companion Part 3

When the loss of an animal companion brings severe sorrow and anguish, we have the option of dealing with it from a spiritual perspective.  Death is not something that can be easily dealt with from a purely physical, earth plane, practical perspective because it is opposite of all of that.   The parting of a soul from a body is spiritual in nature.  We must try to see it from a spiritual stand point.  But, we don't usually have the language for that.  For example "spiritual stand point" - there is no "standing" in a spiritual realm.  Floating might come to mind.  But, that is nothing that we are familiar with.  We think "float" and we are in a body of water, not in the ethers, not on a dimensional plane whose existence is beyond the physical.  In short, we forgot what it was like to die.  

We want to hear the call of our animal companion, feel their physical presence, kiss them, hug them. We want to take care of their physical needs.  But they are no longer on the physical plane of existence.  Yet, they are not gone.  They exist still.  They are alive, but in a state that can feel far away from us.  One way of dealing with loss is to embark on a journey to connect with the spiritual realms. Let's get metaphysical.  

Rocky came to me in a dream.  The dream state is between worlds, this earth plane world and the etheric realm.  They can visit us there because our minds have less resistance.  We are not consumed with the material, physical world while we sleep.  (A sleepless night occurs when our minds are too occupied with the earth plane realm.) It is possible that we ask their soul to come to us in the dream state, to visit and give us a message.  My goat Rocky kissed the head of his companion goat Sunshine, my other son, in the dream.  The message was clear for me to understand.  He was telling me to take care of Sunshine and to allow Sunshine to take care of me.  He showed me with that one image a way to cope with my loss.  Give love and receive love from at least one being who is still remaining on the earth.  

I realized that no matter how hard it is to live without my brilliant, fun, loving, amazing goat Rocky, that if I have at least one other being to love and be loved by, then I can live here.   I raised Sunshine. He is easy to love and fluent in English.  He is also grieving over the loss of his companion, Rocky. Goats form such tight bonds.  They have very deep feelings and their grief can last for a long time. Sunshine keeps me grounded on the earth dimensional plane.  But, I must also allow myself to connect with the higher realms so that I can still feel connected with Rocky.  

Keep open to receiving dreams from your departed loved ones.  That is an easy medium for them to visit.  It is between worlds.  Stay tuned for more blogs on communicating with those that have passed over to the higher dimensions.     

I Would have Followed You to the Moon

You're etched into my memory
like a full body tattoo
chiseled images of you
on the inside of my heart.
I can go nowhere
cant do anything
without asking:
Where are you?
Why did you go?
Why did you have to leave?
What am I going to do without you?

You were my Rock,
My Rock of Gibraltar
my Rocky
My solid mass of four footed assuredness,
grounded to reality,
with four hooves
and a hard head that rivaled mine.
I scream your name,
but the walls echo back emptiness
Your call is now a distant memory
My favorite sound in the world
A goat calling my name.
I lived for you,
my heart existed for you
My reason to live was you
and now all I have
is a box of your ashes,
a hoof print,
some of your hair
and my memories of you.
I would have followed you to the moon,
would have done anything
to get you healthy again.
I was one complicated mass of Denial
believing you'd get well,
that I'd find a Shangri La
so we could be together beyond time...
but you left,
you left,
you left
and I am left - here.

You came to me in a dream
kissing Sunshine's head, between his horns
Yes, I will take care of my other son for you.
I will stay with this herd
that is now down to one goat and me- broken hearted
I would have followed you to the moon
but instead you went away
left your body and me here.
You were my center
and now I wait to figure out
how do I live without you?
You were my Rock of Gibraltar
My Rocky
I would have Followed You to the Moon.  

Dealing with the Loss of an Animal Companion Part 2

We're flattened and hollowed out.  We're dried up, yet full of torrential tears.  Our animal companion is no longer physically on this Earth.  What do we do with the energy of grief that could beat us down and create neuro-chemicals of depression that could possibly lead to other illnesses?  We can allow ourselves to grieve for a time, but we must not become chemically addicted to the neuro-chemistry of sadness. If it becomes a habitual feeling,  it can be even more challenging to get up again.

We must do something, eventually, with our grief so that we are not wallowing in a mucky pond that is too small to go swimming and yet too cold and stagnant to soak.  People often create a legacy for their own human children or for other people that have touched them deeply, but have passed over.  When losing an animal companion feels unbearable, we must create a legacy for them.  A legacy is something we create to benefit others that is influenced by the life of the person or animal that passed.  If we focus on creating our animal companion's legacy, then we are focusing the energy of grief into something productive and helpful that will live after them.

When Rocky passed (I am still in the beginning stages of grief where even writing that feels like an impossibility), I knew I had to create a legacy in his honor so that his magnificence would not just effect me only.  He was an amazing goat.  His intelligence, compassion, affection, playfulness, wisdom and confidence surpassed that of most beings.  I am privileged to have had him in my life. Rocky, Sunshine and I were a herd.  A herd is very tight knit. Once you are part of a herd, you are in. You belong.  There is no looking back.  You are part of something that is larger than the sum of its parts.  The herd membership is like a secret code that lets you into an amazing world.  You no longer just sit with goats and interact with them.  Being part of the herd means that now even one glance from a goat's eyes has a deeper meaning and feeling.  It means you are connected.  Your identity becomes wrapped up in the herd mentality.  I can only describe it as having a sense of BELONGING that makes that word pale in comparison to how it really feels.

Losing Rocky is not just losing the best part of what I considered my life, it is also losing an identity. My sense of self was wrapped around my connection to him.  He somehow made the world a better place for me.  I was obsessed with him.  His love for me and my love for him defined my life.  What choice do I have but to create a legacy?

When you lose an animal companion that touches your soul deeply, creating a legacy for them can be the best thing you can possibly do.  Rocky's Legacy is to help save other animals.  He was a lucky goat.  Most goats in the area I live are eaten.  Many goats are killed and abused in the dairy industry. Even young goats are used as food.  The most popular meat in the world is goat meat.  But, these are one of the smartest, affectionate amazing beings.  Rocky's Legacy is to promote the awareness of the value of animals and influence people not to eat them or use them for human gain.  We share this planet with animals.  We can honor and respect them, doing whatever we can to improve their lives. Rocky's Legacy is to promote veganism and animal rights.  His name will live after him.  Though he left this world, this mission will live on.  One amazing goat will effect many animals.

Create a Legacy for your loved one.  The more they effected your life, the larger the legacy.  In this way, you channel the energy of grief, of loss, into a meaningful gift for the planet.  It is my belief that our loved ones would want to help the planet, would want their life here to have meant something on a larger scale.

Rocky's Legacy is, at this time, composed of two parts.  One is a short story I wrote called Cornelius the Goat that awaits illustration and will soon be on Kindle.  It teaches others to value animals. The other part is a play I wrote called Barnyard Karma told from the point of view of farm animals that are trying to avoid slaughter day.  It is a docudramedy: part documentary, part drama, mostly comedy.  It helps to raise awareness for animal liberation.  It is needing funding to be able to be performed for free in many locals.

Creating such a Legacy is a good way of handling the loss of a loved one.  If you allow the life they had to live after them, you are helping the planet.  You are also helping yourself.  When you give your life a grand purpose, to save animals from being eaten and abused, you help the environment as well.

Create a Legacy for your animal companion.  This is a healthy way of dealing with the suffering that accompanies loss.

For the Love of Goat

Dealing with the Loss of an Animal Companion

I use the phrase Animal Companion and not pet because I am referring to my experience of my loss of Rocky, my goat.  He was my companion because I respected him as an equal.  Although I took care of him, he also took care of me.  He was extremely intelligent and found a way to communicate with me.  He understood all of the English I spoke, even full phrases.  He played with me, cuddled with me, made me laugh and gave me unconditional love.  He surprised and delighted me for years. He caused elation in my life by his very presence.  He got very sick and died earlier than I ever expected.

How do I cope with such a loss?  This is an epic experience in my life.  It is not just a major life occurrence, it marks a huge change for me.

For those of us that are at a loss of  how to handle our loss, we must be patient with ourselves.  We know that grief has many stages and we pass through each one and loop around and repeat some of them again.  Grief takes the time it takes. Everyone processes emotions in different ways that last for various amounts of time.  You are not alone in your suffering and yet your process of healing is vastly unique and your own.  Pick and choose the ways that feel right to you.  Ride the grief out as best as you can knowing that the agony will eventually pass.  We don't have to know when the pain passes, we just know that eventually we will be able to also feel joy again.   Such is life.  Allow yourself the time and gentleness to go about your own process in your own unique way.  This is your grief, your feelings of deep and lasting change.  Allow this change to Change you.

Grief has the potential to Change us.  I write that with a capital "C" because the change can be profound.  In my book, Piece of Planet or Planet of Peace: A Journey through Letting Go Told in Prose and Poetry, I write about a phrase I coined after my Soulmate passed over prompting me to take a Trust Walk without any money.  That phrase is: Use Change to combat change.  If we have a huge change in our life, we can create an even larger Change so that we can expand and grow in grand ways.  I know this, but I am currently not at that stage of grief yet.  Knowing this, however, is helpful.  I know deep inside of myself that I will travel this road of grief and let it crack me open to a new version of myself.  This knowing is very helpful.  I tuck it away for the future.  For now, I allow myself to feel.

It is important not to push the stages of grief.  Don't be in any hurry to feel better.  Allow yourself to just be real.  Crying allows the toxins to rid the body.  If you feel tired, rest.  If you feel like being alone, then isolate for a time, but not for forever.  This too shall pass.  When my Soulmate Ted passed over at the early age of 24, many years ago, I used that phrase often.  This too shall pass.  When I was in agony I knew that feeling would pass.  When I felt elated, I knew that feeling would pass also.  I couldn't hold onto any feeling because they would pass.  I had to Surrender and let go, allowing human feelings and thoughts to be like a river passing through, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Eventually everything passes through like a brook, like a stream, like a river. It all empties into a vast ocean where we can no longer find the thoughts that were once attached.  Grief is like this. It is stormy. It is quiet. It is torrential. It comes in drips or sometimes freezes until it has to eventually thaw.

I know deep inside my life will never be the same. I will have to become larger than the feeling of devastation.  In the meantime, I allow myself to be sloppy with grief.  I allow it to wash over me or to stand still until I catch up with it.  I allow myself to be in a fog or to glide like a cloud with no mind. I allow myself to scream his name, calling to bring back what I cannot.  Grief is messy. It pushes and pulls us until we eventually come up for air and find Acceptance.

Don't suppress it.  Don't pretend to be on a spiritual path that is only positive and does not allow sorrow.  Don't try to force yourself into just feeling thankful for the time you were blessed by your Loved One.  Being human means we have many feelings.  It is important not to get stuck in the muck and mire.  Have those feelings, but don't hold on to any one of them.  Let them come and go.  They will visit again; leave the door open.